Certain things have changed since the
night I wrote my first letter here. I don’t know if the changes that happened
made me happy or if it was for the better. The morning after that, I decided to
let go, though I knew it won’t be easy but I tried my best and I have been
trying my best to be consistent in whatever I have started. I got better and
better each day, and eventually have assessed and sort my feelings out. I knew
that i was unsure of how I will be labeling or categorizing my feelings, but
one thing’s for sure at that moment, I knew, myself that I was done hoping,
waiting and wanting, and that for a certain reason, I did not know why I felt
that way. Days passed, I got along well. I got through every day. I was sad but
alive. In the point of breaking down but was still willing to fight. It went
like that for few weeks until I knew about her. Until I’ve read your text
messages about you being happy with her. About you, feeling the magic you used
to feel for me. All the feelings came back and along came the pain, the hatred
and the memories that brought nothing but the fact that it is only a memory.
Just when I thought I’m fine, you came in and shattered everything in me again.
The wall that was built out of tears, idling and hoping came to waste. How do I
ever get away with this pain? Because I’m already tired of dealing with you and
the memories and pain that you left. It could have been the pain that left, why
does it have to be you. Why did leave me with pain? You could have run away
with it because I don’t need it. I needed you. I cared for you. I loved you.
Now, I’m no longer sure if love is enough to heal the pain that you’ve cost me.
I just want to be numb, to feel nothing for you, maybe then, I’d be able to
move on and be the happiest I should have been, could have been and would have
been. I hope it’s as easy as saying goodbye, but No. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that
you’ll have to live with an ex girl friend fixated with the idea of love and
you.
No comments:
Post a Comment